The Complete Calvin and Hobbes Quotes

Reality continues to ruin my life.

I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.

I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.

Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.

Calvin: Life's a lot more fun when you aren't responsible for your actions.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

I like my smock. You can tell the quality of the artist by the quality of his smock. Actually, I just like to say smock. Smock smock smock smock smock smock.

Calvin: Why are you crying mom?
Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.
Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.

Hold it. You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK?

People pay more attention when they think you’re up to something.

It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what’s cool.

Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?

I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here.

Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension.