Prank Quotes

“I'm going to wake Peeta," I say.
"No, wait," says Finnick. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his."
Well, there's so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches frim his nose, and give him a shake. "Peeta. Peeta, wake up," I say in a soft, singsong voice.
His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we've stabbed him. "Aa!"
Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off. Every time we try to stop, we look at Peeta's attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets us off again.”
― Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire

“It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.”
― Rick Riordan, The Last Olympian

“Loki'd!”
― Tom Hiddleston

“There is also a CAN OF PEANUTS on the desk. Ha ha, oh DAD. You won't be falling for THAT one again any time soon.

A severe peanut allergy is a terrible affliction to cope with.”
― Andrew Hussie, Homestuck Book One

“mostly we've had to found ways to amuse ourselves."
"Really?" Valkyrie asked. "Like what?"
Plight's smile faded. "Like human sacrifice."
He grabbed one arm and Lenka grabbed the other and Valkyrie cried out.
Then they both let go. laughing.
"Naw," Plight said, we just play board games."
..."she fell for it!" gasped Lenka. "She fell for the human sacrifice bit!”
― Derek Landy, Kingdom of the Wicked

“I already have a plan." Celie said, raising her hand as she would with her tutor.
"Do you?" Rolf's eyes gleamed. "What is it?"
"I don't think you'll like it, Lilah." Celie apologized straightaway. "It involves manure...a great deal of manure."
Rolf started to laugh again.”
― Jessica Day George

“...a woman's voice said, "if you've reached this message and you weren't trying to contact Regin the Radient" -

Regin?

-"then I know three things about you. One of my half sisters just tooled your ass and never wants to see you again. B. You're pop-culturally illiterate enough not to know this number is a song. And three, you'll never tell another male about this humiliating prank, so the number trick can be continued indefinitely. If however, you called for moi, then say something to amuse me after the beep."

..Just as he was about to unleash his wrath in a message, a computerized voice said, "Mailbox is full.”
― Kresley Cole, Deep Kiss of Winter

“We found Trent and pulled him off the leggy girl. “Trent, it’s time to get home before your parents realize we snuck out.” I said.
“What?” he asked confusedly.
“Plus the bouncer found out we were sixteen and he does not look happy.” Logan added.
The girl froze, “You’re sixteen? What the hell. You little perv, you’re going to pay for this.”
Trent sputtered, “What? No.”
Logan looked at her all doe eyed innocence and said “Sorry Ma’am, we have to get home now because it’s past our curfew.”
Trent stood open mouthed in shock but his eyes were shooting murderous rays.
So many death glares, so little time.”
― Amanda Kelly

“Orion:“Where shall I shoot him?”
Eros grinned. “Considering he won’t even feel the arrow, take your pick. I know what I would aim at.”
― Tina Folsom, A Touch of Greek

“The other four houses yielded jewelry, wallets, credit cards, laptops, iPads and Kindles, even a couple of expensive looking vases....

"You didn't do anything stupid like writing IOUs and signing your name, did you?"
"That's an excellent idea," said Danny. He stepped back through the gate, waited for a count of five, and then returned to Eric. Now Eric was standing, and when he saw Danny he visibly sagged with relief. "What kind of moron are you?"
"The fun-loving kind," said Danny. "I'm not an idiot, of course I didn't sign my name to IOUs."
"Good."
"I signed yours.”
― Orson Scott Card, The Lost Gate

“ “My Peregrination Cap,” he grumbles, straightening his tie and vest while wavering on wobbly legs.
I gesture to the layer of moths crawling around on Gizmo’s roof. “We lost a few of them to the wind. Sorry.”
“Brilliant.” Scowling, Morpheus walks over and sweeps his hand across the insects, coaxing them to form the hat. They manage all but the brim. He puts it on anyway and turns to me.
I bite my cheeks in an effort not to laugh.
He narrows his eyes. “Don’t get too cheeky, little plum. Though your prank may have been irresistibly wicked, I’m still in the lead by a set of wings.” ”
― A.G. Howard, Unhinged

“Something hit the floor with a crack. Nate turned and looked down to see his cell phone on the floor. He patted his back pockets, as if to be sure it was his, then swore and reached down. The phone slid across the floor.
“What the hell?” he muttered.
It slid faster now, scraping and bumping along.
“Carter!” Nate growled. “This is not the time for pranks.”
As he took off after the phone, I looked out the bathroom door to see it rise a foot off the ground, then fall with a crack.
Nate swore and picked up speed, loping down the hall, muttering. “If you break it, Carter, I swear you’re buying me a new one.” ”
― Kelley Armstrong, Belonging

“They devoured books and pulld legendary stunts, like the time they set off a small bomb next to one of their teachers during class to protest his refusal to teach them about Marx.”
― Sarah Prager, Queer, There and Everywhere: 23 People Who Changed the World

“Per se, a prank is meant to thank.
Rethink and thank the soft spank.
And fill in the blank,
Not even over drank,
Knelt when they made you walk the plank.”
― Ana Claudia Antunes, ACross Tic

“An anonymous prank is one of the most efficacious ways to enforce discipline. A prank performed with appropriate finesse avoids a direct confrontation and the resulting laughter elicited from a prank informs the offender that their actions are unacceptable. The utilitarian aim of laughter is group improvement. A practical joke must avoid verging on cruelty.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“I'm not a fan of April Fools' Day. I can take a joke; I just don't want to BE the joke.”
― Stewart Stafford

“He’d thrown the screwdriver after discovering I’d removed all the screws from his office chair but, really, who gets back from lunch to discover a screwdriver and 46 screws on their desk and still sits down?”
― David Thorne, Wrap It In A Bit Of Cheese Like You're Tricking The Dog

“Johnny's Sh*temare by Stewart Stafford

Amber did sh*t in Johnny's bed,
She did it while he was sleeping,
Right by Johnny's head.

Stank awake on a mattress lumpy,
He saw what Amber had left him,
A hot, steaming grumpy.

Browned off, he leapt to his feet,
No dogs stained his manhood,
Or crapped on the sheet.

Now he's sued her for defamation,
And they call her Amber Turd,
For her reckless defecation.

© Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”
― Stewart Stafford

“When Ascyltes, loaded down with all these woes, was falling asleep, the maid he had rejected and insulted rubbed the whole of his face with a generous quantity of ash. He felt nothing, and she went on to paint graffiti-style penises on his shoulders and sides.”
― Sarah Ruden, The Satyricon

“I crawled back to bed, knowing I was done for. Hours later, the phone in our room started ringing. It was George. He was not happy.
"Room 312. Now!" he shouted.
Bouldy got up. I tried to pull myself together, splashing my face with water and hauling on my shorts and flip flops. It was a lovely day outside, the sun was scorching hot and there wasn't a cloud in the sky, but it might as well have been a pissing wet morning in St Albans for all I cared. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach as we made the Walk of Death to Room 312, which I knew was Paul and Gus's room.
When we walked in, I thought I'd arrived in downtown Baghdad. Water dripped from the ceiling. The board games were in pieces and all the plastic parts were scattered over the floor. The balcony window was wide open and I could see a bed upended by the pool outside.”
― Paul Merson, How Not to Be a Professional Footballer

“Gareth Miller grabbed the beer first, then the hotdog, because if there’s one thing you don’t want to be caught dead without at these sorts of events it’s beer. The hotdog was strictly for show, a prop, a way of blending in.

Burst of static in his right ear: “G-man, you read me? What’s yo’ twenty, dawg?”

Gareth departed the concession stand, stopped, looked down at his hands, and tossed the hotdog into the first trash receptacle he saw. Raising his wrist to his mouth, he spoke into the cuff of his long-sleeved tee. “Concession stand, Section B. Over.”

Allowing his hand to linger by his chin, he gingerly scratched his cheek as if he had meant to do it all along.

The same voice: “Yo, I’m in position. Ready when you is.”

Gareth cringed while crossing the wide concourse, checking both directions. The giant hallway was the main drag of a ghost town, its only residents a solitary custodian sweeping debris into a portable waste bin and the concession crew to his rear.”
― Jay Nichols, Uprising

“You can't be happy, you was prank again and again and you was just in a trap nothing else. That wasn't him, even this and that guy. You just killed the witnesses and few cops!”
― Deyth Banger

“He sped down Melrose Avenue, skating from shade to shade to the deeper darkness along the north-facing shops. Papers fluttered and leaves trembled in his wake. Outside a dress boutique two girls turned, startled by the change in air he had caused. They glanced at each other and laughed.
The dark pretty one whispered, "Someone just walked over our graves."
That made them laugh again, but Stanton sensed more. He twirled back and savored their fear. He wanted to drop into his body and become solid in front of them but he didn't have time. Instead he whispered, "Death is riding on the wind."
Their eyes shot open and he sucked in that terror.”
― Lynne Ewing, The Sacrifice

“Things get a bit out of hand at Caroline's. No one eats anything, someone pisses in the pot plants and the turkey is stuffed, arse up, down the toilet. I didn’t see who did it, but it was obviously the silly English boys, the Americans would never do anything like that, they’re much more respectful.”
― Viv Albertine, Clothes, Clothes, Clothes. Music, Music, Music. Boys, Boys, Boys

“I believe you just got spanked," Gregori said. "And by a girl.”
― Christine Feehan, Dark Slayer

“Because all of this was the same as a medical “hidden camera,” the difference being that they could no longer catch him off guard; they had already tried so many times that all they could do was risk “hiding the hidden,” hoping to slip it in between levels.
He watched them talk, his attention waxing and waning at irregular intervals, as a result of which the two enthusiastic and youthful — almost frenetic — faces he had so close to his began to seem unreal. And they were, he had no doubt about this, though only up to a certain point; because they did belong to two human beings of flesh and blood. The intensive use of hidden cameras in the last few years (in order to pull off all kinds of pranks, but also to catch corrupt officials, dishonest businessmen, tax evaders, and criminal infiltrators into the medical profession) required using up actors at a phenomenal rate, for they could never be employed a second time because of the risk of blowing their cover. They had to always be new, debutants; they couldn’t have appeared on any screen ever before, not even as extras, because given the high degree of distrust that had infiltrated society, the least hint of recognition was enough to ruin the operation. And that same, constantly increasing distrust forced actors to be constantly getting better, more believable. It was astonishing that they didn’t run out of them; of course, they didn’t need to be professionals (with the new Labor Contract Law, they were not strictly required to be members of the union), but in cases where a lot was at stake, it must have required a difficult decision to place the success or failure of an operation in the hands of an amateur.”
― César Aira, The Miracle Cures of Dr. Aira

“Depois de ouvir todo tipo de ameaça e declarações degradantes, comecei a perder grande parte da conversa entre os árabes e seus cúmplices americanos, e a certa altura mergulhei em meus pensamentos. Tinha vergonha de que meu povo estivesse sendo usado para esse horrível trabalho por um governo que afirma ser o líder do mundo livre democrático, um governo que prega contra a ditadura e “luta” pelos direitos humanos e manda seus filhos para a morte por esse objetivo: que peça esse governo prega em seu próprio povo!”
― Mohamedou Ould Slahi, Guantánamo Diary: Restored Edition

“The DJ announced the couple. As Alfie took Camila in his arms and spun her around, the strains of Kanye West's "Gold Digger" blasted across the tent.
Camila and Alfie stood paralyzed on the dance floor, staring at us with horror on their faces. Mary Ellen just about leapt on top of the DJ's equipment in an attempt to shut it off. He immediately understood he was in huge trouble, and after a few seconds of fumbling, Lonestar started to play.
Although we tried to recover the best we could, the damage was done. The couple danced together, but Camila's face was ashen as she clearly fought back tears.
Mary Ellen and I cornered the DJ to threaten his life, but he told us the groom's daughters had given him the orders, telling him it was a funny joke that their future stepmother would love. How could anyone believe jokes were ever appropriate at weddings?
Apparently they had also given him $500 to play the song, which really sealed the deal. There was nothing scarier than a mean girl with a boatload of cash.”
― Mary Hollis Huddleston, Without a Hitch

“Her breath tasted like the awful punch he had made”
― Jane Washington, Plier