Seriously... I'm Kidding Quotes

“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if people are passing you on the street saying, "I can't tell if that person is laughing or crying, but either way they seem crazy, let's walk faster." Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger.

Now we answer, “What happened? Is someone tied up in the old sawmill?”

“No, it’s Becky. I just called to say hi.”

“Well you scared me half to death. You can’t just pick up the phone and try to talk to me like that. Don’t the tips of your fingers work?”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Find out who you are and figure out what you believe in. Even if it's different from what your neighbors believe in and different from what your parents believe in. Stay true to yourself. Have your own opinion. Don't worry about what people say about you or think about you. Let the naysayers nay. They will eventually grow tired of naying.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Way, way back in the day, like in the 1990s, if you wanted to tell everyone you ate waffles for breakfast, you couldn’t just go on the Internet and tweet it out. There was only one way to do it. You had to go outside and scream at the top of your lungs, 'I ate waffles for breakfast!' That’s why so many people ended up in institutions. They seemed crazy, but when you think about it, they were just ahead of their time.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they really don't even have to be an issue.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Who's to say what's better or worse anyway? Who's to even say what's normal or average? We're all different people and we're allowed to be different from on another. If someone ever says you're weird, say thank you. And then curtsy. No, don't curtsy. That might be too weird. Bow. And tip your imaginary hate. That'll show them.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Contribute to the world. Help people. Help one person. Help someone cross the street today. Help someone with directions unless you have a terrible sense of direction. Help someone who is trying to help you. Just help. Make an impact. Show someone you care. Say yes instead of no. Say something nice. Smile. Make eye contact. Hug. Kiss. Get naked.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:
Yes.
Yes.
No.
One time in high school.
Three times in my twenties.
Rocks no salt.
Yes.
Four.
Never. And how dare you!
I will take no further questions.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Haiku sounds like I'm
Saying hi to someone named
Ku. Hi, Ku. Hello.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“If your Birthday is on Christmas day and you're not Jesus, you should start telling people your birthday is on June 9 or something. Just read up on the traits of a Gemini. Suddenly you're a multitasker who loves the color yellow. Because not only do you get stuck with them combo gift, you get the combo song. "We wish you a merry Christmas - and happy birthday, Terry - we wish you a merry Christmas - happy birthday, Terry - we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Ye - Birthday, Terry!”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“If someone ever says you’re weird, say thank you.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously...I'm Kidding

“Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself. Happiness comes from within. You have the power to change your own mindset so that all the negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“I'm just saying we can all work on our manners. We can say please and thank you. We can be punctual. We can just be nicer to one another. It's something we have in our power to do. It reminds me of that Margaret Mead quote: "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding