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While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in an Era of Silence
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Best Memoir & Autobiography (2023)From award-winning journalist Meg Kissinger, a searing memoir of a family besieged by mental illness, as well as an incisive exploration of the systems that failed them and a testament to the love that sustained them.
Growing up in the 1960s in the suburbs of Chicago, Meg Kissinger’s family seemed to live a charmed life. With eight kids and two loving parents, the Kissingers radiated a warm, boisterous energy. Whether they were spending summer days on the shores of Lake Michigan, barreling down the ski slopes, or navigating the trials of their Catholic school, the Kissingers always knew how to live large and play hard.
But behind closed doors, a harsher reality was unfolding—a heavily medicated mother hospitalized for anxiety and depression, a manic father prone to violence, and children in the throes of bipolar disorder and depression, two of whom would take their own lives. Through it all, the Kissingers faced the world with their signature dark humor and the unspoken family rule: never talk about it.
While You Were Out begins as the personal story of one family’s struggles then opens outward, as Kissinger details how childhood tragedy catalyzed a journalism career focused on exposing our country’s flawed mental health care. Combining the intimacy of memoir with the rigor of investigative reporting, the book explores the consequences of shame, the havoc of botched public policy, and the hope offered by new treatment strategies.
Powerful, candid and filled with surprising humor, this is the story of one family’s love and resilience in face of great loss.
Growing up in the 1960s in the suburbs of Chicago, Meg Kissinger’s family seemed to live a charmed life. With eight kids and two loving parents, the Kissingers radiated a warm, boisterous energy. Whether they were spending summer days on the shores of Lake Michigan, barreling down the ski slopes, or navigating the trials of their Catholic school, the Kissingers always knew how to live large and play hard.
But behind closed doors, a harsher reality was unfolding—a heavily medicated mother hospitalized for anxiety and depression, a manic father prone to violence, and children in the throes of bipolar disorder and depression, two of whom would take their own lives. Through it all, the Kissingers faced the world with their signature dark humor and the unspoken family rule: never talk about it.
While You Were Out begins as the personal story of one family’s struggles then opens outward, as Kissinger details how childhood tragedy catalyzed a journalism career focused on exposing our country’s flawed mental health care. Combining the intimacy of memoir with the rigor of investigative reporting, the book explores the consequences of shame, the havoc of botched public policy, and the hope offered by new treatment strategies.
Powerful, candid and filled with surprising humor, this is the story of one family’s love and resilience in face of great loss.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published September 5, 2023
About the author
Meg Kissinger
1 book182 followersMeg Kissinger spent more than two decades traveling across the country to report on America’s mental health system for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. A Pulitzer Prize finalist, she has won dozens of accolades, including two George Polk Awards, the Robert F. Kennedy Award, awards from Investigative Reporters and Editors, and two National Journalism Awards. Kissinger teaches investigative reporting at Columbia University’s Graduate School of Journalism and was a visiting professor at DePauw University, her alma mater. Her stories on the abysmal living conditions for people with mental illness inspired changes to Wisconsin law and led to the creation of hundreds of new housing units. She lives in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, with her husband.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,113 reviews
September 21, 2023
**Many thanks to NetGalley, @CeladonBooks, and Meg Kissinger for an ARC of this book! Now available as of 9.5!!**
Meg Kissinger grew up in a veritable whirlwind of uncertainty: as one of EIGHT children, life was always an adventure. Though she had two loving parents, the duo presented one side of their personalities to the outside world, and an entirely DIFFERENT side to their family. Meg's mother recognized the presence of nascent mental health issues prior to their marriage, but perhaps didn't realize the severity until several years later...at the same time her husband's hot temper turned their home life upside down.
In the meantime, a couple of Meg's siblings started displaying symptoms of mental health issues, including bipolar disorder and suicidal ideation and everything begins to escalate. When Meg actually LOSES one of her siblings for good, the situation reaches a fever pitch. Meg pursues a career in journalism, desperate to uncover the truth behind the nature vs. nurture of mental illness and to make a difference in the way it is handled in our country. Can she finally urge her siblings to break their silence and help one another cope, all while having the bravery to share her story...with the world?
As a staunch advocate for mental illness awareness, education, and acceptance, I was very intrigued by the premise of this memoir and hoping for an emotional and impactful experience reading this book. Things were a bit slow at the start, with a VERY exhaustive family history, including discussions of the background of Kissinger's grandparents (which I'm not sure was very relevant) but I hoped after this initial info dump, things would pick up. The introduction mentions the information included in the memoir was compiled from interviews and the like, so what I was hoping to read WERE excerpts of interviews and the like to help get me into the minds and hearts of the members of this family.
But instead of feeling like I could CONNECT with Meg and her family members, I very much felt like an outsider looking in. The detail in the first half of the memoir was just TOO much for me. Instead of opening a window into her past and the thoughts and emotions that helped to shape her, I felt like I was reading very exhaustive, long-winded stories with details that didn't necessarily make an impact. I felt very sad for Meg and the situation she was in, but this was based more on the straight facts of her life than writing that showed any emotion. I'm not sure if this is just because of KIssinger's background as a journalist, but as a huge feeler, I was hoping to connect to the tales she was telling...but I felt the age gap rather dramatically. Though I'm certainly not as young as she was experiencing some of these events, I was very aware of the author's age at the time she penned this book, and in this case, it wasn't a good thing.
At the beginning of the next part however, there was a dramatic flip: Kissinger went into pure journalist mode, and I felt like I was reading a different book. Her exploration of the background of the trajectory of mental health programs in this country and the roadblocks that popped up along the way was engaging AND infuriating. We had such a potential for change in this country many years ago, and instead of moving away from mental health institutions in a pragmatic way, so many of these people were instead funneled from institutions into the prison system, or ended up on the street. THIS was my great takeaway from this book, and rather than a memoir, I was inspired to check out some of Kissinger's journalism pieces on this very subject.
While I applaud using this forum to work through the pain that Kissinger dealt with over the years, as a reader, I was missing the emotional connection I was so hoping to find, especially dealing with such sensitive subject matter. I think a book focused on her decision to WRITE this book would have been more interesting: how did she get from there to here? When I read a memoir, I tend to have the best experience as a reader when I feel as though I know the author far better after reading it. But after reading this particular memoir, much like a therapist at a withdrawn patient's very FIRST session, I felt like I had been left with FAR more questions than answers.
3.5 stars
#WhileYouWereOut #CeladonReads
Meg Kissinger grew up in a veritable whirlwind of uncertainty: as one of EIGHT children, life was always an adventure. Though she had two loving parents, the duo presented one side of their personalities to the outside world, and an entirely DIFFERENT side to their family. Meg's mother recognized the presence of nascent mental health issues prior to their marriage, but perhaps didn't realize the severity until several years later...at the same time her husband's hot temper turned their home life upside down.
In the meantime, a couple of Meg's siblings started displaying symptoms of mental health issues, including bipolar disorder and suicidal ideation and everything begins to escalate. When Meg actually LOSES one of her siblings for good, the situation reaches a fever pitch. Meg pursues a career in journalism, desperate to uncover the truth behind the nature vs. nurture of mental illness and to make a difference in the way it is handled in our country. Can she finally urge her siblings to break their silence and help one another cope, all while having the bravery to share her story...with the world?
As a staunch advocate for mental illness awareness, education, and acceptance, I was very intrigued by the premise of this memoir and hoping for an emotional and impactful experience reading this book. Things were a bit slow at the start, with a VERY exhaustive family history, including discussions of the background of Kissinger's grandparents (which I'm not sure was very relevant) but I hoped after this initial info dump, things would pick up. The introduction mentions the information included in the memoir was compiled from interviews and the like, so what I was hoping to read WERE excerpts of interviews and the like to help get me into the minds and hearts of the members of this family.
But instead of feeling like I could CONNECT with Meg and her family members, I very much felt like an outsider looking in. The detail in the first half of the memoir was just TOO much for me. Instead of opening a window into her past and the thoughts and emotions that helped to shape her, I felt like I was reading very exhaustive, long-winded stories with details that didn't necessarily make an impact. I felt very sad for Meg and the situation she was in, but this was based more on the straight facts of her life than writing that showed any emotion. I'm not sure if this is just because of KIssinger's background as a journalist, but as a huge feeler, I was hoping to connect to the tales she was telling...but I felt the age gap rather dramatically. Though I'm certainly not as young as she was experiencing some of these events, I was very aware of the author's age at the time she penned this book, and in this case, it wasn't a good thing.
At the beginning of the next part however, there was a dramatic flip: Kissinger went into pure journalist mode, and I felt like I was reading a different book. Her exploration of the background of the trajectory of mental health programs in this country and the roadblocks that popped up along the way was engaging AND infuriating. We had such a potential for change in this country many years ago, and instead of moving away from mental health institutions in a pragmatic way, so many of these people were instead funneled from institutions into the prison system, or ended up on the street. THIS was my great takeaway from this book, and rather than a memoir, I was inspired to check out some of Kissinger's journalism pieces on this very subject.
While I applaud using this forum to work through the pain that Kissinger dealt with over the years, as a reader, I was missing the emotional connection I was so hoping to find, especially dealing with such sensitive subject matter. I think a book focused on her decision to WRITE this book would have been more interesting: how did she get from there to here? When I read a memoir, I tend to have the best experience as a reader when I feel as though I know the author far better after reading it. But after reading this particular memoir, much like a therapist at a withdrawn patient's very FIRST session, I felt like I had been left with FAR more questions than answers.
3.5 stars
#WhileYouWereOut #CeladonReads
July 30, 2023
This memoir is heart wrenching about a family of 10 with mental illness. There are many triggers in this book that are hard to listen to. Suicide is very imminent in this book. I had a hard time with that part as I’ve known 2 people in 4 years who committed this horrific way to go. The narrator/author is fabulous!! I could not stop listening to it. I give it all the stars!! Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this awesome book in advance for my honest review. To be published September 2023.
April 29, 2023
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
Wow, what an amazing book. So much heartache and sadness for this family and their experiences with mental illness.
This book is a must-read for anyone who knows anyone with mental illness, which means everyone.
Wow, what an amazing book. So much heartache and sadness for this family and their experiences with mental illness.
This book is a must-read for anyone who knows anyone with mental illness, which means everyone.
March 26, 2024
Thought this was a beautiful memoir. Lots of insights into the world of mental health and how to be a better advocate for those struggling. It was inspiring to hear about everything Meg has been able to do to help and make changes. Her reflections on her family and her ability to stay close to her siblings through all the trials she experienced is very inspiring to me. I loved the ending when the stories came together to research for this book, a few of the memories she had about her sister and mom were corrected due to information from other people who also experienced it. I thought that was so inspiring and beautiful.
July 6, 2023
This is an incredible memoir. Compellingly written and deeply researched, Meg Kissinger shares her story of growing up in a family that fought mental illness behind closed doors in an era where such struggles were not to be talked about openly. Everything was hush-hush, swept under the rug, and left to fester. It’s ultimately a devastating story as she shares that two of her siblings took their own lives. It is heartbreaking to read how little support and understanding there was leading up to their deaths, and the ripple effects that this had on the rest of the family. Throughout her lifelong career in journalism, Meg has brought to light the reality of the ways we treat people with mental illness and by sharing her story hopes to continue the fight for change.
This was a very hard review to write as Meg’s family’s story hit very close to home for me. She is close in age with my parents, and the world she grew up in is so familiar to me from hearing my parents’ own childhood stories. Mental illness runs in both sides of my family and it’s something that my parents still battle and struggle to open up about. I have always wondered what it was like for them growing up and how it shaped them into who they are, and this book gave me a peek into what it might have been like. My mom herself has said that my dad’s family just “didn’t talk about their feelings” and I can’t imagine how alienating that must have been as a struggling young adult. It was a lot to examine and wrap my head around as I read this book.
Beyond the topic of mental illness, there are so many interesting threads of history in this book that I’m dying to unravel further - the 15,000 pilots in training that died on american soil, the boom of pharmaceuticals, the “twilight sleep” that was induced upon pregnant women, John F. Kennedy Jr.’s unrealized dream of better mental healthcare. While nowadays we talk more openly about feelings of anxiety and depression, there is still a long way to go in how we treat people with mental illness and in some ways it seems as though we have regressed. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Why, after all these years, can we as a society still not figure this out? Why can’t we do better? When did we stop trying?
This is not a light read by any means, but an important one. It was thought-provoking in so many ways, and the story of Meg’s family is one I won’t soon forget. Thank you to the publisher for the ARC.
This was a very hard review to write as Meg’s family’s story hit very close to home for me. She is close in age with my parents, and the world she grew up in is so familiar to me from hearing my parents’ own childhood stories. Mental illness runs in both sides of my family and it’s something that my parents still battle and struggle to open up about. I have always wondered what it was like for them growing up and how it shaped them into who they are, and this book gave me a peek into what it might have been like. My mom herself has said that my dad’s family just “didn’t talk about their feelings” and I can’t imagine how alienating that must have been as a struggling young adult. It was a lot to examine and wrap my head around as I read this book.
Beyond the topic of mental illness, there are so many interesting threads of history in this book that I’m dying to unravel further - the 15,000 pilots in training that died on american soil, the boom of pharmaceuticals, the “twilight sleep” that was induced upon pregnant women, John F. Kennedy Jr.’s unrealized dream of better mental healthcare. While nowadays we talk more openly about feelings of anxiety and depression, there is still a long way to go in how we treat people with mental illness and in some ways it seems as though we have regressed. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Why, after all these years, can we as a society still not figure this out? Why can’t we do better? When did we stop trying?
This is not a light read by any means, but an important one. It was thought-provoking in so many ways, and the story of Meg’s family is one I won’t soon forget. Thank you to the publisher for the ARC.
November 18, 2023
At the height of the AIDs crisis in the 80s people did not speak of the epidemic, including President Reagan who was quite clear that if it was only killing Gay people (presumably he would have used different words) it didn't matter to real Americans. The rallying cry for those of us who disagreed was Silence=Death. That was true of AIDs, once the talking started so did the path to managing the illness. In this book Meg Kissinger wants us to know the same rules apply to mental illness.
Kissinger is a reporter who has written about America's treatment of the mentally ill for years (she has been a Pulitzer finalist and is now a professor at the Columbia School of Journalism.) She is also a member of a family that has felt the pain of mental illness more than most. Both parents were mentally ill and self-medicated with alcohol. All eight of the children (yes, 8, the Catholic church has a lot to answer for) have been affected by mental illness. Two of the eight siblings died by suicide, and two others had suicidal ideation. Through all of this, the directions to the children were clear. Shut up and deal with it. Mommy disappears for a time, shut up and deal with it. Daddy loses job after job while buying nearly everything he sees, squirreling away purchases of luxury goods so no one can see. His behavior moves the family from affluence to penury costing the children a life they saw as normal. Shut up and deal with it Children are wholly unsupervised and are seriously harmed over and over. Do not speak of it. Ambulances in front of the house are a common occurrence but no one is allowed to discuss why. The ambulances stop when one sibling suicides in a brutal manner after being repeatedly saved when trying less gruesome means. The family is told that if anyone asks it was an accident. And that silence made things worse. It made the surviving family members sicker and sadder, and possibly it took away opportunities to thwart a second suicide. And the collective silence about mental illness makes this worse for millions of other families feeling the impact of mental illness and allows the state to get away with no or substandard services.
Kissinger tells a gripping story, and makes suggestions for meaningful change in personal behavior and policy. The writing is impeccable and honest, the story relatable, the message incredibly important. Often in books like this where the writer must make herself vulnerable, the story can seem distancing -- tied to this one particular person with these very specific circumstances. That is generally fine, and there are many books I have loved where that was true. But in this book I loved that it did not feel like I was reading about one particular family, this felt like a story that impacts nearly everyone based on personal experience. It is as if she atomizes the tale rather than distilling it. This is a book that shows off the importance of a journalistic style in telling our stories.
Kissinger is a reporter who has written about America's treatment of the mentally ill for years (she has been a Pulitzer finalist and is now a professor at the Columbia School of Journalism.) She is also a member of a family that has felt the pain of mental illness more than most. Both parents were mentally ill and self-medicated with alcohol. All eight of the children (yes, 8, the Catholic church has a lot to answer for) have been affected by mental illness. Two of the eight siblings died by suicide, and two others had suicidal ideation. Through all of this, the directions to the children were clear. Shut up and deal with it. Mommy disappears for a time, shut up and deal with it. Daddy loses job after job while buying nearly everything he sees, squirreling away purchases of luxury goods so no one can see. His behavior moves the family from affluence to penury costing the children a life they saw as normal. Shut up and deal with it Children are wholly unsupervised and are seriously harmed over and over. Do not speak of it. Ambulances in front of the house are a common occurrence but no one is allowed to discuss why. The ambulances stop when one sibling suicides in a brutal manner after being repeatedly saved when trying less gruesome means. The family is told that if anyone asks it was an accident. And that silence made things worse. It made the surviving family members sicker and sadder, and possibly it took away opportunities to thwart a second suicide. And the collective silence about mental illness makes this worse for millions of other families feeling the impact of mental illness and allows the state to get away with no or substandard services.
Kissinger tells a gripping story, and makes suggestions for meaningful change in personal behavior and policy. The writing is impeccable and honest, the story relatable, the message incredibly important. Often in books like this where the writer must make herself vulnerable, the story can seem distancing -- tied to this one particular person with these very specific circumstances. That is generally fine, and there are many books I have loved where that was true. But in this book I loved that it did not feel like I was reading about one particular family, this felt like a story that impacts nearly everyone based on personal experience. It is as if she atomizes the tale rather than distilling it. This is a book that shows off the importance of a journalistic style in telling our stories.
September 15, 2023
Meg Kissinger, an award winning journalist, generously shares her personal history of growing up in a well-to-do family with seven siblings that harbored secrets. Until circumstances brought them a certain notoriety. Her focus has been on the silence and shame that surrounds mental illness, hoping that her own experience will encourage readers to view sufferers of bipolar disorder and Schizophrenia with as much compassion and understanding as, say, cancer. This memoir honestly approaches life with the afflictions in the house, and how it was not acknowledged. In fact, when a beloved sister ends her own life, their father insists the family reply that it was the result of an accident.
August 26, 2023
heart wrenching but beautiful and important. i’ll be thinking about this one for a while
February 4, 2023
This was a beautifully told tale of the impact and trauma of growing up with alcoholic and mentally ill parents and how one can stop the cycle of intergenerational trauma thru personal healing, forgiveness and love. Meg's investigative reporting background made her a perfect candidate to research her family history and getting buy-in from all her siblings was so gracious: "No Kissingers were harmed in the making of this book!" By sharing our stories, we give others permission to share theirs. Couldn't put it down and sobbed at the end and felt my own personal healing.
June 19, 2023
This memoir is intimate. The first half fascinated me. Meg describes her family of 10 in such a way that you really feel like you know them. And then, things start going sideways. With depression and bipolar disorder touching so many people in one family, the reality feels weighty. In the midst of chaos, the family is struck with a suicide. And then, another.
Meg uses the second half to investigate and shine light on the state of mental health care in our county (fyi - not good). It reads slower, but is full of good info.
Overall, an interesting memoir!
You’ll love this if you:
•like memoirs involving mental health (think, Hidden Valley Road, but from a first person perspective)
•have mental health struggles in your family
Heavy TW: suicide, bipolar disorder, and depression
Thank you Netgalley for this ARC. All opinions are my own 😊
Meg uses the second half to investigate and shine light on the state of mental health care in our county (fyi - not good). It reads slower, but is full of good info.
Overall, an interesting memoir!
You’ll love this if you:
•like memoirs involving mental health (think, Hidden Valley Road, but from a first person perspective)
•have mental health struggles in your family
Heavy TW: suicide, bipolar disorder, and depression
Thank you Netgalley for this ARC. All opinions are my own 😊
October 31, 2023
I had put off reading this one, waiting for the right mood. I was expecting an emotionally heavy and draining story. I didn’t get that here at all.
We start out with excessive detail about the author’s family, going back to her grandparents’ lives, how her parents met, etc. Then we moved on to a list of her sisters and brothers, how they related—or didn’t— to one another. We were given lots of surface information that could describe any family. I’m sorry, but it wasn’t all that interesting. I wanted to go deeper.
Then we got to a point where something awful happened to one of her siblings, and I felt… nothing. I mean, I felt bad objectively, as I would for any family in a similar situation, but that’s it. Even worse was that I couldn’t tell if the author felt anything. Of course, I know intellectually that she did, but I didn’t get any sense of emotion from her writing.
And this was the problem throughout the book. The author is a journalist, and that background followed her into this memoir. The writing is a recitation of facts, minus the emotion. I read memoirs for the emotional connection, and unfortunately that’s entirely missing here.
But this is just my opinion, and the author is certainly entitled to tell her story any way she wants. Lots of people have loved this book, and you might as well.
*I received an eARC from Celadon, via NetGalley.*
We start out with excessive detail about the author’s family, going back to her grandparents’ lives, how her parents met, etc. Then we moved on to a list of her sisters and brothers, how they related—or didn’t— to one another. We were given lots of surface information that could describe any family. I’m sorry, but it wasn’t all that interesting. I wanted to go deeper.
Then we got to a point where something awful happened to one of her siblings, and I felt… nothing. I mean, I felt bad objectively, as I would for any family in a similar situation, but that’s it. Even worse was that I couldn’t tell if the author felt anything. Of course, I know intellectually that she did, but I didn’t get any sense of emotion from her writing.
And this was the problem throughout the book. The author is a journalist, and that background followed her into this memoir. The writing is a recitation of facts, minus the emotion. I read memoirs for the emotional connection, and unfortunately that’s entirely missing here.
But this is just my opinion, and the author is certainly entitled to tell her story any way she wants. Lots of people have loved this book, and you might as well.
*I received an eARC from Celadon, via NetGalley.*
April 12, 2023
I could not put down this book. Meg Kissinger tells the deeply heartfelt story of the Kissinger family. This is a real story full of love, shame, misunderstanding, guilt, and generational trauma. We are treated to snapshots of the Kissinger family’s life - from the traumas 2 generations past, tender childhood memories, confusion and turmoil of teenage years, and ultimately a more complete personal understanding of Megs own life experiences.
We are not fully able to understand the many horrid choices the Kissinger family made. But we are brought into the perspective of a confused girl, not knowing why her mother has been disappearing and one unable to understand the “selfish” decisions of family members attempted suicides. This is the reality of family life and being brought back in time 50 odd years ago, when there was one psychiatrist for all of Brooklyn. When tranquilizers instead of therapy and understanding where used to “soothe jittery mothers”. This reality is seemingly unimaginable for me, who was born in the 2000s, and proudly discusses mental health with my other Zoomers. However, with a GenX mother, I have had to keep all of my struggles secret and only been able to receive help after leaving for college.
The experiences Kissinger paints are those of a large mural everyone has, no matter age. I do wish she had gone deeper in exploring the privilege her wealthy family had in terms of mental health. One of the most compelling stories she told was that of befriending a woman from the same hometown that had met her sister at a psychiatric hospital. This woman was now homeless and likely without a penny and died just a few years later. While the Kissinger family had to downsize from a 7 bedroom house, there never felt like a real threat of destitution and financial support. The story of her older brother, able to live at home with his parents into his 50s while fighting depression, would be a much different story had the Kissinger not been a wealthy family.
This is a great book that speaks loudly to our collective experiences. I would strongly recommend this to almost everyone. There are many potential triggers in this book so be aware of them before reading. While there are many light and happy moments in this book, there are many more disturbing and sad ones full of anguish. Please take care of yourself and keep an eye on loved ones.
We are not fully able to understand the many horrid choices the Kissinger family made. But we are brought into the perspective of a confused girl, not knowing why her mother has been disappearing and one unable to understand the “selfish” decisions of family members attempted suicides. This is the reality of family life and being brought back in time 50 odd years ago, when there was one psychiatrist for all of Brooklyn. When tranquilizers instead of therapy and understanding where used to “soothe jittery mothers”. This reality is seemingly unimaginable for me, who was born in the 2000s, and proudly discusses mental health with my other Zoomers. However, with a GenX mother, I have had to keep all of my struggles secret and only been able to receive help after leaving for college.
The experiences Kissinger paints are those of a large mural everyone has, no matter age. I do wish she had gone deeper in exploring the privilege her wealthy family had in terms of mental health. One of the most compelling stories she told was that of befriending a woman from the same hometown that had met her sister at a psychiatric hospital. This woman was now homeless and likely without a penny and died just a few years later. While the Kissinger family had to downsize from a 7 bedroom house, there never felt like a real threat of destitution and financial support. The story of her older brother, able to live at home with his parents into his 50s while fighting depression, would be a much different story had the Kissinger not been a wealthy family.
This is a great book that speaks loudly to our collective experiences. I would strongly recommend this to almost everyone. There are many potential triggers in this book so be aware of them before reading. While there are many light and happy moments in this book, there are many more disturbing and sad ones full of anguish. Please take care of yourself and keep an eye on loved ones.
September 17, 2023
I have mixed feelings about this book. I really wanted to love it, or at least like it more.
This book has two parts. The first focuses more on the author’s family history, what it was like growing up in her family, and how her siblings interacted as young adults. The second part is more of a broad discussion on mental health systems in the United States and the authors experiences during her research.
There were aspects of this book that felt very familiar/relatable to me - the big catholic family, going through catholic school system, the challenge of navigating mental health struggles and the stigma people face around mental illness. I think a lot of people can relate to loving (or being) someone with a mental illness, and I think the author was brave to share her story so that people can feel less alone in these experiences. There were also things that did not work for me in this story. I felt a bit bored and confused by some of the family history that didn’t necessarily feel relevant. It was hard for me to keep track of her siblings and I didn’t feel as connected to these characters as I hoped. Did a cry like a baby at times over them? Yes. But I also felt like I was craving to know them more deeply. Maybe it would have helped to have each chapter focus on a sibling rather than sprinkle bits about them throughout the book. Part two was also a little all over the place at times. Learning about her reporting days was sometimes interesting, but it didn’t always feel very relevant and the book started to drag a bit for me.
Overall this is a candid look into how mental illness impacts a family and it does urge readers to recognize and treat mental illness as that, an illness.
I really like this cover and title so it’s earning a 4/5 aesthetic score from me
This book has two parts. The first focuses more on the author’s family history, what it was like growing up in her family, and how her siblings interacted as young adults. The second part is more of a broad discussion on mental health systems in the United States and the authors experiences during her research.
There were aspects of this book that felt very familiar/relatable to me - the big catholic family, going through catholic school system, the challenge of navigating mental health struggles and the stigma people face around mental illness. I think a lot of people can relate to loving (or being) someone with a mental illness, and I think the author was brave to share her story so that people can feel less alone in these experiences. There were also things that did not work for me in this story. I felt a bit bored and confused by some of the family history that didn’t necessarily feel relevant. It was hard for me to keep track of her siblings and I didn’t feel as connected to these characters as I hoped. Did a cry like a baby at times over them? Yes. But I also felt like I was craving to know them more deeply. Maybe it would have helped to have each chapter focus on a sibling rather than sprinkle bits about them throughout the book. Part two was also a little all over the place at times. Learning about her reporting days was sometimes interesting, but it didn’t always feel very relevant and the book started to drag a bit for me.
Overall this is a candid look into how mental illness impacts a family and it does urge readers to recognize and treat mental illness as that, an illness.
I really like this cover and title so it’s earning a 4/5 aesthetic score from me
September 10, 2023
From the outside, Meg Kissinger’s big Catholic family appeared to have it all. Behind closed doors, her family was plagued by mental illness. With dark humor and deep vulnerability, Meg shares the story of her traumatic childhood in her memoir, WHILE YOU WERE OUT: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in an Era of Silence
After losing two of her siblings to suicide and reckoning with her parent’s debilitating mental illness, Meg pursued investigative journalism as a career to reconcile her trauma from the past and work to improve the systems that failed her family. Readers who enjoyed The Glass Castle won’t want to miss WHILE YOU WERE OUT.
RATING: 4/5
PUB DATE: September 5, 2023
After losing two of her siblings to suicide and reckoning with her parent’s debilitating mental illness, Meg pursued investigative journalism as a career to reconcile her trauma from the past and work to improve the systems that failed her family. Readers who enjoyed The Glass Castle won’t want to miss WHILE YOU WERE OUT.
RATING: 4/5
PUB DATE: September 5, 2023
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October 31, 2023A beautiful and honest memoir. Thank you, Meg, for shining a bright light on a subject that is still considered by many to be embarrassing and/or shameful.
"I learned how people with these crippling illnesses - major depression, schizophrenia, bipolar illness - are cast aside, ignored, even vilified. I knew only too well how we tend to blame them - or their families - for their sickness, as though they brought it on by some moral failure." pg. 200
"I learned how people with these crippling illnesses - major depression, schizophrenia, bipolar illness - are cast aside, ignored, even vilified. I knew only too well how we tend to blame them - or their families - for their sickness, as though they brought it on by some moral failure." pg. 200
December 28, 2023
RTC as I have a lot to say about this. It was incredible.
Huge thanks to Goodreads, their giveaway has in no way influenced my rating, nor was I under any obligation to review the book after reading it.
Huge thanks to Goodreads, their giveaway has in no way influenced my rating, nor was I under any obligation to review the book after reading it.
January 18, 2024
Thank you so much Celadon Books for my advanced copy and the chance to review it honestly.
While You Were Out is an intimate and heartfelt story about mental illness. Meg Kissinger shares her family’s struggles and experience and it’s heartbreaking to say the least. I felt so many emotions reading her story and it’s a very eye opening tale. As a society we still have a long way to go with how we talk about mental illness but it is getting better and that leaves me hopeful. If you or someone you know struggles with it, this is a good book to read. It is a sad story but it also shows you there is hope and there are better days.
Happy reading!
While You Were Out is an intimate and heartfelt story about mental illness. Meg Kissinger shares her family’s struggles and experience and it’s heartbreaking to say the least. I felt so many emotions reading her story and it’s a very eye opening tale. As a society we still have a long way to go with how we talk about mental illness but it is getting better and that leaves me hopeful. If you or someone you know struggles with it, this is a good book to read. It is a sad story but it also shows you there is hope and there are better days.
Happy reading!
August 24, 2023
The investigative public health reporting of Dopesick: Dealers, Doctors, and the Drug Company that Addicted America meets the family mental illness of Hidden Valley Road: Inside the Mind of an American Family in this memoir about a large Catholic family's suicidal trauma and its aftermath.
This book made me feel less alone in my own family drama, as Kissinger tragically lost two siblings to suicide while enduring other familial illnesses including depression, bipolar disorder, and cancer. The author is genuinely curious about the "curse" that intimidates her surviving family members and uses her journalistic talents to spotlight the societal pitfalls that keep mentally unhealthy individuals in a state of vulnerability.
I especially liked the author's audiobook narration, the cover, and the brilliant title.
This book made me feel less alone in my own family drama, as Kissinger tragically lost two siblings to suicide while enduring other familial illnesses including depression, bipolar disorder, and cancer. The author is genuinely curious about the "curse" that intimidates her surviving family members and uses her journalistic talents to spotlight the societal pitfalls that keep mentally unhealthy individuals in a state of vulnerability.
I especially liked the author's audiobook narration, the cover, and the brilliant title.
October 13, 2023
Outstanding—heartbreaking and yet there was always hope. Meg’s memoir brings alive the facts and misconceptions about living with and advocating for, individuals and families struggling to care for their loved ones. Years of research matched with her personal experiences bring insight into the advances in medical care, the systematic shortfalls in housing and the need for different support from law enforcement. The stress on caregivers and patients is immeasurable but commitment to making things better goes so far to improving outcomes.
Meg’s labor of love will take you across the emotional spectrum. I loved how she opened and closed with Mary Oliver’s poem that reflects pillars of light.
Meg’s labor of love will take you across the emotional spectrum. I loved how she opened and closed with Mary Oliver’s poem that reflects pillars of light.
June 7, 2023
Excellent! It really helped to paint a picture of just how taboo mental health issues were not so long ago. The mentality of keeping it all behind closed doors without explanation hinders the diagnosed from ever fully healing and learning to live with their ‘new’ self. The familial fallout is catastrophic, echoing down generations. Mental health issues should not be silenced but discussed. Shame dies when stories are told in safe places 💖
Thank you so much to Meg Kissinger, Celadon Books, & Goodreads for this ARC copy in exchange for my unbiased opinion.
Thank you so much to Meg Kissinger, Celadon Books, & Goodreads for this ARC copy in exchange for my unbiased opinion.
December 7, 2023
Holy f*ck
January 1, 2024
5**
This book has to be one of the most difficult memoirs I’ve read, yet so crucial in explaining not only the rampant mental illness the journalist Meg Kissinger experienced with her family members, but how she was able to use her traumatic childhood to write effective, investigative articles that expose the societal gaps in treating those who suffer such debilitating illnesses.
At first, it was a bit of a slow burn with each chapter hinting that the worst was yet to come. And then, slowly throughout in page after page, Kissinger builds the increasing crescendo of horror that makes you crash and burn as you essentially experience the vicarious trauma of alcoholism, severe depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, paranoia, and bipolar disorder of her family members. I am not exaggerating when I say that you will be exhausted and have to put this down quite a few times to process her overwhelming feelings - and yours. Kissinger’s resiliency is nothing short of a miracle to have survived, formed a meaningful and successful journalism career that shines the light on the challenges of treating mental illness, and chose - against all odds - to be happy and forgive.
For mental health, this book is important for knowing what families experience and to see from different perspectives. Kissinger meticulously and admirably researched her own family with court docs, police reports, and other family members to validate and challenge her own personal memories of events. She inserted her own healing journey, and her last two sections bumped up my rating from a 4 to 5*** because of her relentless courage to seek healing and truth for herself despite her risk of shame and embarrassment: “I had a choice…I could feel sorry for myself and wallow in pity or choose to be happy and do what I could to make that happen.” Balancing her objective journalistic integrity with her personal subjective experience was somehow, impossibly, achieved. For society, this book is important because you are forced to contend with the lack of a comprehensive care plan which is haphazardly piecemeal at best.
STRONG trigger warning: suicide is heavily presented, and while she definitely does not glamorize it, Kissinger will describe scenes in detail so that people understand the reality of the person rather than the statistics. These scenes are difficult to say the least, and will make you highly uncomfortable, but they are nonetheless essential to the genuineness of the narrative.
This book has to be one of the most difficult memoirs I’ve read, yet so crucial in explaining not only the rampant mental illness the journalist Meg Kissinger experienced with her family members, but how she was able to use her traumatic childhood to write effective, investigative articles that expose the societal gaps in treating those who suffer such debilitating illnesses.
At first, it was a bit of a slow burn with each chapter hinting that the worst was yet to come. And then, slowly throughout in page after page, Kissinger builds the increasing crescendo of horror that makes you crash and burn as you essentially experience the vicarious trauma of alcoholism, severe depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, paranoia, and bipolar disorder of her family members. I am not exaggerating when I say that you will be exhausted and have to put this down quite a few times to process her overwhelming feelings - and yours. Kissinger’s resiliency is nothing short of a miracle to have survived, formed a meaningful and successful journalism career that shines the light on the challenges of treating mental illness, and chose - against all odds - to be happy and forgive.
For mental health, this book is important for knowing what families experience and to see from different perspectives. Kissinger meticulously and admirably researched her own family with court docs, police reports, and other family members to validate and challenge her own personal memories of events. She inserted her own healing journey, and her last two sections bumped up my rating from a 4 to 5*** because of her relentless courage to seek healing and truth for herself despite her risk of shame and embarrassment: “I had a choice…I could feel sorry for myself and wallow in pity or choose to be happy and do what I could to make that happen.” Balancing her objective journalistic integrity with her personal subjective experience was somehow, impossibly, achieved. For society, this book is important because you are forced to contend with the lack of a comprehensive care plan which is haphazardly piecemeal at best.
STRONG trigger warning: suicide is heavily presented, and while she definitely does not glamorize it, Kissinger will describe scenes in detail so that people understand the reality of the person rather than the statistics. These scenes are difficult to say the least, and will make you highly uncomfortable, but they are nonetheless essential to the genuineness of the narrative.
December 27, 2023
While You Were Out by Meg Kissinger
If you are struggling with your mental health or know someone who is, I’d highly recommend reading Meg Kissinger’s memoir While You Were Out. It is amazing to see how far society has come in talking about and dealing with mental illness but it’s also sad to see how society has such a long way to go. In the 1960’s, when the book takes place, mental illness was not talked about as there was so much shame and stigma associated with mental illness. Unfortunately Meg Kissinger’s family was no different. Meg’s mum would suddenly disappear for days and months at a time and Meg had no clue where her mother was. It simply wasn’t talked about. Eventually it comes to light that Meg’s mum suffers from anxiety and depression and her father from Mania. You combined that with violence and drinking and you have a rather toxic environment for a child to grow up in. But despite all the turmoil, tragedy and heart ache in Megs life, she pulls through and becomes a journalist writing about her own families struggles with mental health and also the flaws in the American Mental Health system.
This memoir is extremely heavy and is definitely triggering so I would highly recommend not going into this book blind and also reading it over time.
I never like to give a rating for a memoir as it’s someone’s life story and not a piece of fiction. I will say it was an excellent book and very informative.
Thank you to Celadon Books and NetGalley for my advanced readers copy of While you Were Out in exchange for my honest review.
Pub Date: September 5th, 2023
If you are struggling with your mental health or know someone who is, I’d highly recommend reading Meg Kissinger’s memoir While You Were Out. It is amazing to see how far society has come in talking about and dealing with mental illness but it’s also sad to see how society has such a long way to go. In the 1960’s, when the book takes place, mental illness was not talked about as there was so much shame and stigma associated with mental illness. Unfortunately Meg Kissinger’s family was no different. Meg’s mum would suddenly disappear for days and months at a time and Meg had no clue where her mother was. It simply wasn’t talked about. Eventually it comes to light that Meg’s mum suffers from anxiety and depression and her father from Mania. You combined that with violence and drinking and you have a rather toxic environment for a child to grow up in. But despite all the turmoil, tragedy and heart ache in Megs life, she pulls through and becomes a journalist writing about her own families struggles with mental health and also the flaws in the American Mental Health system.
This memoir is extremely heavy and is definitely triggering so I would highly recommend not going into this book blind and also reading it over time.
I never like to give a rating for a memoir as it’s someone’s life story and not a piece of fiction. I will say it was an excellent book and very informative.
Thank you to Celadon Books and NetGalley for my advanced readers copy of While you Were Out in exchange for my honest review.
Pub Date: September 5th, 2023
January 13, 2024
If you liked Hidden Valley Road, you should read this one too.
February 17, 2024
Anyone who knows me knows I stay very, very far away from non fiction books. However, my friend who is related to the author convinced me to give this one a try and I’m really glad she did. The author is clearly an exceptional writer but what surprised me was the level of genuine heart and vulnerability. I went in wary because I was worried this would feel like a way to profit off of pain but it absolutely was not.
Meg Kissinger comes from a family of 8 kids and she traces the history of mental illness that is a result of both genes and environment through her family tree. As she sees her parents and then her siblings struggle with their mental health in a time when no one talked about it she decides to turn her investigative journalism skills towards uncovering the flaws of the mental health system in the United States.
Her intimate and heartbreaking portrayal of her own family allows the reader to understand why she picked this path and why she advocates so fiercely for mental health. She loses two siblings to suicide and watches all of her surviving ones (including herself) find ways to cope. She discusses with openness how her family, society, church and the government repeatedly failed to protect the vulnerable and what we can do to help.
Meg Kissinger comes from a family of 8 kids and she traces the history of mental illness that is a result of both genes and environment through her family tree. As she sees her parents and then her siblings struggle with their mental health in a time when no one talked about it she decides to turn her investigative journalism skills towards uncovering the flaws of the mental health system in the United States.
Her intimate and heartbreaking portrayal of her own family allows the reader to understand why she picked this path and why she advocates so fiercely for mental health. She loses two siblings to suicide and watches all of her surviving ones (including herself) find ways to cope. She discusses with openness how her family, society, church and the government repeatedly failed to protect the vulnerable and what we can do to help.
May 31, 2023
✳ I recieved an ARC via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review ✳
Absolutely heartbreakingly beautiful. Possibly one of the best explorations of trauma and mental illness, and how it affects a family over time. Seeing the author's insight into how deplorable the mental health sector is in America was genuinely infuriating.
I'm really having a hard time capturing my thoughts on this book because of how stunning it is.
Such an important read for anyone and everyone.
Just read it, you will not regret it.
Absolutely heartbreakingly beautiful. Possibly one of the best explorations of trauma and mental illness, and how it affects a family over time. Seeing the author's insight into how deplorable the mental health sector is in America was genuinely infuriating.
I'm really having a hard time capturing my thoughts on this book because of how stunning it is.
Such an important read for anyone and everyone.
Just read it, you will not regret it.
September 16, 2023
"While You Were Out" serves as journalist's Meg Kissinger's memoir, shedding light on her upbringing and family and the underlying motivation for much of her investigative work on mental illness. Growing up in the middle of 7 siblings in the suburbs of Chicago, Meg's upbringing could have followed the typical American storyline but became wrought with tragedy and loss, losing her sister Nancy and later her brother Danny to suicide, as well as both of her parents, Holmer and Jean, to cancer. Beyond just a simple recounting of her family's past, however, she looks into the underlying events and factors that contributed to these devastating losses - from the societal pressures for women to have large families, the unrestrained prescribing of drugs like Valium, the alcoholism that both of her parents succumbed to, and how overlooked and denied mental health and illness was during that time.
In full transparency, this is a difficult read. Looking back on this period of time, especially as a woman, is especially frustrating - Kissinger shares just how tumultuous her childhood was with parents barely managing their own mental health (one bipolar and manic, the other struggling with severe anxiety) that was only compounded by substance addiction. Especially as a child, she was helpless to do anything aside from watch her parents self-destruct and bear witness to the affect this had on her siblings. We follow as well the tragic domino effect of each loss within the family, and how inescapable grief and pain seemingly become as time goes on.
I really have to commend Meg Kissinger for not only sharing these dark, painful moments from her family's past, but taking these experiences and pivoting them into something good. Some of her initial work was deeply personal pieces about losing both a sister and brother to suicide, but she was also able to turn the spotlight onto other families and individuals who were struggling, highlighting the pitfalls and weaknesses of the public health system and the lack of understanding of mental illness by society as a whole. While this not a book that I would recommend to anyone given the myriad of topics covered, it is an eye-opening look into how severely mental illness can impact individuals beyond the one who's struggling, especially across families and society as a whole.
Than you Celadon Books for the advance copy of this novel!
In full transparency, this is a difficult read. Looking back on this period of time, especially as a woman, is especially frustrating - Kissinger shares just how tumultuous her childhood was with parents barely managing their own mental health (one bipolar and manic, the other struggling with severe anxiety) that was only compounded by substance addiction. Especially as a child, she was helpless to do anything aside from watch her parents self-destruct and bear witness to the affect this had on her siblings. We follow as well the tragic domino effect of each loss within the family, and how inescapable grief and pain seemingly become as time goes on.
I really have to commend Meg Kissinger for not only sharing these dark, painful moments from her family's past, but taking these experiences and pivoting them into something good. Some of her initial work was deeply personal pieces about losing both a sister and brother to suicide, but she was also able to turn the spotlight onto other families and individuals who were struggling, highlighting the pitfalls and weaknesses of the public health system and the lack of understanding of mental illness by society as a whole. While this not a book that I would recommend to anyone given the myriad of topics covered, it is an eye-opening look into how severely mental illness can impact individuals beyond the one who's struggling, especially across families and society as a whole.
Than you Celadon Books for the advance copy of this novel!
December 20, 2023
N-am știut nimic despre ea când am început-o. Am ales-o pentru că m-a atras titlul și pentru că domeniul sănătății mintale e unul de interes pentru mine.
Ce surpriză a fost! Ce frumusețe de carte! Ce de emoții transmite!
A devenit în mod clar una dintre cele mai bune non-ficțiuni citite, dar și una pe care o să o tot recomand.
Vă las câteva gânduri la cald mai jos:
- concluzia finală este că mi-a rupt sufletul în totalitate
- n-am mai plâns la o carte în așa hal de un amar de vreme
- am avut în jur două persoane dragi care s-au sinucis, iar înțelegerea experienței autoarei mi-a fost ca un pansament pe suflet
- m-a făcut să înțeleg un aspect tare important legat de aspectul menționat mai sus (mii de mulțumiri autoarei; nu cred că are idee cât bine a făcut)
- poveștile de viață ale membrilor familiei sunt cât se poate de răvășitoare, lăsându-mă cu un gol în suflet; totuși, mi-au oferit și speranță
- am avut mereu senzația că autoarea îmi este prietenă (ca să vedeți cât de frumos relatează totul) și mi-a părut tare rău când am ajuns la final pentru că am avut impresia că mă despart de cineva apropiat
- nu se citește repede pentru că vine la pachet cu o mare încărcătură emoțională, însă merită pe deplin.
În concluzie, cred că finalul de an nu putea să-mi aducă un cadou mai frumos decât această frumusețe de carte.
Ce surpriză a fost! Ce frumusețe de carte! Ce de emoții transmite!
A devenit în mod clar una dintre cele mai bune non-ficțiuni citite, dar și una pe care o să o tot recomand.
Vă las câteva gânduri la cald mai jos:
- concluzia finală este că mi-a rupt sufletul în totalitate
- n-am mai plâns la o carte în așa hal de un amar de vreme
- am avut în jur două persoane dragi care s-au sinucis, iar înțelegerea experienței autoarei mi-a fost ca un pansament pe suflet
- m-a făcut să înțeleg un aspect tare important legat de aspectul menționat mai sus (mii de mulțumiri autoarei; nu cred că are idee cât bine a făcut)
- poveștile de viață ale membrilor familiei sunt cât se poate de răvășitoare, lăsându-mă cu un gol în suflet; totuși, mi-au oferit și speranță
- am avut mereu senzația că autoarea îmi este prietenă (ca să vedeți cât de frumos relatează totul) și mi-a părut tare rău când am ajuns la final pentru că am avut impresia că mă despart de cineva apropiat
- nu se citește repede pentru că vine la pachet cu o mare încărcătură emoțională, însă merită pe deplin.
În concluzie, cred că finalul de an nu putea să-mi aducă un cadou mai frumos decât această frumusețe de carte.
December 28, 2023
A poignant, gut wrenching, yet hopeful memoir about one family’s experiences with mental heath struggles. Kissinger, an investigative reporter, digs deep into her family history and life growing up in the suburbs of Chicago with her eight siblings in her Catholic family. The story is packed full of data on the lack of mental health care for the most vulnerable populations and the stigmas surrounding mental health issues. But the story also tells the devastating effects on the author’s family and real life stories of the impacts of mental health struggles.
February 26, 2024
I looooved this book and would absolutely recommend to anyone remotely interested in mental health advocacy. Half memoir of a daughter in a large Chicagoland family, wrecked by mental illness and suicide, half investigative piece about the lack of a standardized and safe mental health system in the US. I loved Meg’s writing and loved seeing the journey the family takes toward finding peace over the span of their lifetimes.
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